What if...

I think about it, a lot. What things would have been like if it wouldn’t of ended. Where would we be? Would we be together? But maybe we would of broken up and not remained close friends. How do you stop yourself from questioning it though? It sure seems impossible to me. I could have been there to cheer him on, just him, on the side of that wrestling mat. At states, I would have been wearing that shirt knowing I was his girlfriend. I would have been a wrestler girlfriend. I could of helped him pick a college, which sports offer to take. I could of become better friends with his brother other then when I talk to him without him being around. I could of and should of helped him get over his ex. I should of helped him move on, learn to trust again and love again. It’s probably wrong, but I think about it constantly, and I need to type it. I need to get these thoughts out because if I don’t I’m gonna go insane. My mind is running so fast while I’m typing this. I wish I had enough balls to admit every feeling to him in his graduation letter I’m writing him. But I don’t and it would be wrong if I did. I just don’t know how to go on without questioning myself “what if?”.