What if...

I think about it, a lot. What things would have been like if it wouldn’t of ended. Where would we be? Would we be together? But maybe we would of broken up and not remained close friends. How do you stop yourself from questioning it though? It sure seems impossible to me. I could have been there to cheer him on, just him, on the side of that wrestling mat. At states, I would have been wearing that shirt knowing I was his girlfriend. I would have been a wrestler girlfriend. I could of helped him pick a college, which sports offer to take. I could of become better friends with his brother other then when I talk to him without him being around. I could of and should of helped him get over his ex. I should of helped him move on, learn to trust again and love again. It’s probably wrong, but I think about it constantly, and I need to type it. I need to get these thoughts out because if I don’t I’m gonna go insane. My mind is running so fast while I’m typing this. I wish I had enough balls to admit every feeling to him in his graduation letter I’m writing him. But I don’t and it would be wrong if I did. I just don’t know how to go on without questioning myself “what if?”.

Another Shot

Maranda, that's the name I was given 16 years ago on March 17. I'm not new to the blogging world, just trying it again, or more like starting over. I'm just a teenager in a changing world, never knowing what's coming next. With so many things going on I feel like I should keep note of somethings, that way one day I can look back at this and remember events or people that at one time meant something to me.

So here it is, a shot at blogging once again. From here on out I'm going to try my hardest to update as much as possible, whether from my laptop or phone. The posts might be stupid, I'll probably look back and laugh at myself one day, I might be the only one who reads them, they may be short or long rants.. but no matter what, this will be updated and read by me..

Maranda, I am.